Relative understanding

An easy way to deliver truly empathetic customer service is to imagine your customer is a close relative.

• You'd be sure to give a close relative your best advice.
• You'd demonstrate patience, understanding, and caring for a close relative, even if they were tough to deal with.
• You'd use your expertise to ensure your close relative had a great experience and didn't encounter any problems.

Using this technique can make demonstrating empathy, ahem, relatively easy.

Thanks to my colleague Wendi Brick, and my Mom (a close relative), who both suggested this technique.

Express empathy

Many customer service issues can be solved quickly at little or no cost by simply expressing empathy. The challenge is empathy requires two things from customer service providers. First, we must have a relatable experience that is similar to what our customer is going through. Second, we must have the presence of mind to demonstrate that we acknowledge and understand how our customer is feeling.

Here are a few ways you can express empathy:

• Tell the customer directly that you know how it feels to be in their situation.
• Make an empathetic statement such as, "I can understand why you'd be frustrated."
• Pay careful attention to your tone of voice. A warm and soothing tone conveys empathy, but a short, monotone delivery can signal to the customer that you don't care.

Bonus tip: Remember, the purpose of using empathy is to make your customer feel acknowledged and valuable. Avoid shifting the focus from them to you, but telling them your story (unless they ask) or making a comment that suggests you are even worse off than they are.

Take it personally

You often hear that the key to helping an angry and upset customer is to avoid taking it personally. I couldn't disagree more! The more personally you take it, the more likely you are to help.

Imagine you encounter an angry customer. If you refuse to take it personally, you might come across as an uncaring, policy-enforcing robot.

Take it personally, however, and you start handling the situation as though the customer is a good friend in need. You see through their anger and empathize with their situation. The empathy you feel for the customer compels you to go the extra mile to find solutions. Your genuine desire to make it happen prompts you to check back with the customer until the problem is resolved and he or she is happy once again.

Complaints are contagious - stop 'em!

We've all been tempted to complain about a difficult customer. Perhaps they were unreasonable, a bit light on brains, or just plain mean. Whatever the reason, we should remember that those of us who don't remember our history are doomed to repeat it.

Let's say you encounter a grumpy customer who just can't be satisfied. Afterwards, you complain about it to a co-worker. This conversation makes you feel better because it validates how smart you are, how dumb the customer was, and the unfairness of it all. Unfortunately, that conversation will stick with you the next time you work with a similar customer and you'll be unlikely to get a better result.

Here's another version of the same story. Let's say you encounter a grumpy customer who just can't be satisfied. Afterwards, you tell a co-worker about how frustrated you were by the situation. Together, you confirm that you did a good job but also brainstorm a few ways you can get better results in the future. The next time you work with a similar customer you get a better result because of what you learned from the last experience.

Bend a few rules

The greatest customer service lessons come from customers themselves. One of my favorites is a customer who said to me, "Sometimes you have to bend a few rules to make it happen."

So true!

I had just given him a laundry list of reasons why I couldn't get his order produced and shipped by the time he wanted it. He and I both knew it was a one day job that was going to take two weeks because of my company's rigid policies and inefficient processes. My customer's comment stopped me in my tracks and made me realize I didn't add any value to the relationship if I couldn't help my customer achieve his goals.

Needless to say, I bent a few rules to make sure the customer was happy and didn't take his business elsewhere. It's a good lesson for all of us: bend (but don't break) the rules when it's necessary to do the right thing and save your customer's business.

Beware of icebergs!

It's tempting to write off service-failures as one-time problems, especially if you found a way to make that customer happy again. What if it wasn't a one-time problem, but the result of a flaw in your service delivery system? The problem could be repeated many more times and many more customers could become angry before it gets solved.

Customer service professionals should always be wary of "icebergs" - what you see above the surface is nothing compared to the big, mean problem under the surface.

Here are some simple questions to help you check for icebergs when you encounter a service problem:

• Can the same problem exist in other places? 
• What caused the problem?
• Who else is affected?

Quoting policy without making your customer angry

Customers often bristle at the word "policy" because it is usually used to tell customers they can't do something they want to do. Artful customer service reps sidestep any potential anger by helping customers understand the benefits. 

Here are a few options you can choose rather than stating "It's our policy":

• Safety. Some policies are designed with safety in mind. Explain to your customer that you want them to be safe.
• Efficiency. Policies are sometimes put in place so you can service customers more efficiently. Tell your customer how she will receive better service by doing it your way.
• Fairness. A few policies are put in place to make things fair for all customers. If this is the case, try to help your customer understand the bigger picture.

Acknowledge and refocus

Taking ownership is sometimes confused with being blamed, but it's really about accepting responsibility for solving a problem. A great way to take ownership (and diffuse any anger) is through the Acknowledge and Refocus technique.

1. Acknowledge the problem or service failure. This conveys empathy and helps the customer feel valued.
2. Refocus on a solution. Being solution-oriented prevents you from getting stuck on discussing blame and will give your customer the confidence that you are here to help.

Be the point person

It's amazing how many customer service problems occur because everyone assumes everyone else is doing their job correctly. If I take a call from a customer who really needs some information from my co-worker Mary, I might be tempted to assume my work is done once I give Mary the message, "Customer A called with a question with you."

This is true if Mary calls the customer back right away and provide the answer. But what if she doesn't call? Customer A spoke with me, not Mary, so it would be my fault. Or worse, Customer A will blame all of us.

A better approach that prevents problems is to accept responsibility and be the "point person" for your customer. This can work a number of ways, but all of them result in you ensuring the customer is taken care of.

Example 1: Get the answer from Mary and call the customer back yourself.

Example 2: Do a warm hand-off. This involves making sure Mary knows you've passed the customer along to her and the customer knows Mary will be responding to his question.

Anchor your attitude

The Attitude Anchor is a great way to keep our own negative feelings neutralized, especially when dealing with an upset or difficult customer. The concept works by focusing on something positive that "anchors" your attitude where it needs to be to deliver outstanding service. You can use Attitude Anchors to maintain a positive attitude or to help recover your positive attitude after a difficult interaction.

Attitude Anchors can vary widely from person to person, but here are a few examples:

• Pictures of family or friends

• Inspirational (or funny) quotes

• Upbeat music

• Conversation with family or friends

• Humor, including jokes and cartoons

• Going for a walk